Well,well.. this is it.. the beginning of the end of another year. Not that big a deal really, but you still feel the anticipation of the holidays..
I love the holidays, I do.. it gives me something to do and something to focus on. Something I normally don't have.
It will be nice for a change I think.. Gonna make it a lil christmasy here tomorrow if I'll wake up in time

I've gulped down 3-4 glasses of Jim Beam and coke so I'll be able to sleep tonight. have looked up a couple of numbers to nearby psychiatric health center or what you'd call it.. Gonna call em up tomorrow, see if I can get a doc again to get me some sleeping pills. Also I need someone to talk to, to sort out what makes me so.. deviant..
I think that would be good for me, plus I need someone to kick me in the arse once in a while to get me to actually do the things I'm aiming for.. to start studying and working out again. To never stop chasing myself again.
Seriously, man.. I need to catch that lil fucker and se who she is cause man is she teasing me or what?
I don't really know who I am.. all of me at least, but I'm trying to figure that shit out.
I don't really like myself, but that's the big part of me that's all chaos. And why is it chaos?
Because I haven't figured that part out yet so it's got a mind of its own you know? I'm trying to get there, and I'm trying to not be so..me all the time. My days of breaking mirrors is OVER!

I'm in love with my lil affairs..My writing, my theories about..well anything, my music, my way of thought ( believe it or not) and I love always getting this new revelations about life, about how to think and especially about how to see things and people.. although people sometimes scares the living shit out of me..

But i scare them back.

Scaring people is kinda the idea.. because if you do, they don't see how scared you are.