17/6-10...23:39
Insert emotional post here
If you don't know me you probably don't know that I've been more or less hospitalized back and forth since the age of thirteen 'till a couple of years ago. Am I sick? No, but I was manipulated to believe so. In this country you're either normal or criminally insane, can you guess which one they labeled me with?
Intensity and a high IQ is clearly not a good thing, and the freaky part of it all is that I realized just a couple of months ago that I'm not sick, never were. So I'm trying to fight the picture of me as a crazy girl with multiple personality disorder, which is not an easy thing considering my arms are full of scars ( for other reasons I don't feel a need to explain), and trying to act like a sane person which ofc I know nothing about. You expect a crazy chick to freak out when she drinks, you don't expect a sane woman to do so but if you've lived under the presumption that you are indeed insane for over 6 years you automatically start to act like it. If you're told that you are sick, weak and less worthy for so many years.. fuck, ofc you're going to believe it! I'm getting stronger and stronger and I'm beginning to learn how to take care of myself in a different way and fight other things, not just shrinks and other retards. But when I drink.. well, sometimes that insecure freak of nature creeps out and begs for attention and for someone to take care of her and holy hell do I hate that person, but I'm so angry all the time and when I don't get an outlet for all that rage, that's when my lil sick monster pops up and fuck everything up.. I'm working on it, please believe.. 'cause that side of me is fucking craise, but it takes time and yes, I'm worried like hell that people will see it before I get myself under control and then leave, but have experiences taught me anything it is that if you're worried people are gonna leave you, you start to try too hard and when you try to hard.. fuck it's too obvious and then you get taken for granted and everything blows up in your face.
Oh well, enough rambling, fuck it all and it will turn out ok, right?
The best way to lose something is by wanting it too much
If you don't know me you probably don't know that I've been more or less hospitalized back and forth since the age of thirteen 'till a couple of years ago. Am I sick? No, but I was manipulated to believe so. In this country you're either normal or criminally insane, can you guess which one they labeled me with?
Intensity and a high IQ is clearly not a good thing, and the freaky part of it all is that I realized just a couple of months ago that I'm not sick, never were. So I'm trying to fight the picture of me as a crazy girl with multiple personality disorder, which is not an easy thing considering my arms are full of scars ( for other reasons I don't feel a need to explain), and trying to act like a sane person which ofc I know nothing about. You expect a crazy chick to freak out when she drinks, you don't expect a sane woman to do so but if you've lived under the presumption that you are indeed insane for over 6 years you automatically start to act like it. If you're told that you are sick, weak and less worthy for so many years.. fuck, ofc you're going to believe it! I'm getting stronger and stronger and I'm beginning to learn how to take care of myself in a different way and fight other things, not just shrinks and other retards. But when I drink.. well, sometimes that insecure freak of nature creeps out and begs for attention and for someone to take care of her and holy hell do I hate that person, but I'm so angry all the time and when I don't get an outlet for all that rage, that's when my lil sick monster pops up and fuck everything up.. I'm working on it, please believe.. 'cause that side of me is fucking craise, but it takes time and yes, I'm worried like hell that people will see it before I get myself under control and then leave, but have experiences taught me anything it is that if you're worried people are gonna leave you, you start to try too hard and when you try to hard.. fuck it's too obvious and then you get taken for granted and everything blows up in your face.
Oh well, enough rambling, fuck it all and it will turn out ok, right?
The best way to lose something is by wanting it too much
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